


it's these wings that weigh us down

by capaldi



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, F/F, OT5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-02 16:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2819420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capaldi/pseuds/capaldi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the five of them collectively escape the dark grasps of Silas. Problem is, they've never known another home. superpowers!au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. now we settle for flight

**Author's Note:**

> this first chapter is probably confusing as hell, but bear with me here (this is not an invitation to assume the rest won't be equally as confusing)

She’s running as fast as she can, legs moving in sync with the pounding of her heart. The car swerves and stops next to her, the passenger door already open.

“Come on, get in.” LaFontaine shouts from the driver’s seat.

She turns her head. There’s at least four of them, and who knows how many Silas called for backup. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, just surrendering and going quietly. She could beg for forgiveness, and then try to ask for leniency for the rest of them.

“What are you doing?” They scream, motioning with their hand for her to get in.

“You know, I’m not really the on the road type of person. Maybe I could just--”

She sees LaFontaine’s expression darken as she scans her thoughts.  

“No Perry, _please_."

Perry doesn’t have to be a mind reader to understand the pleading tone of their voice. Her body barely hits the car seat before LaFontaine steps on the pedal, slamming the door shut with the sheer speed of the acceleration. Perry looks at them, and they don’t look back, eyes forward, hands gripped tightly around the wheel.

But minutes later, LaFontaine mutters a quiet “thank you”.

 

 

“Oh my god oh my god you made it!” Laura shrieks, and moves to hug the both Perry and Lafontaine as they step out of the vehicle.

“About time too,” Carmilla mutters, drawing circles in the dirt.

“We weren’t sure if you’d make it. Things got so out of hand and I didn’t think we’d get separated at the end there. Carmilla said we should leave first and just wait at the meetup point but I just --” Laura makes a motion with her hand before enveloping them in a hug again.

“It’s okay Laura,” LaFontaine laughs. “We’re okay. Perry was brilliant with subduing the Guardians.” Perry blushes as they smile at her. “But wait. Where’s Danny?”

“Oh she’s making a withdrawal,” Laura answers. “She’ll be back soon.”

“She has money on the outside? When’d she manage to get that?”

“When she decides to rob whichever bank is closest,” Carmilla calmly replies.

“WHAT?”

“She’ll be fine,” Carmilla waves them off dismissively, “That nifty power of hers makes bank robbing a breeze.”

“That’s not the problem here,” Laura protests.

“Yes Carmilla,” Perry adds. “This is a serious crime we’re talking about.”

“You want to talk crime?” Carmilla gets up from her spot on the curb. “Let’s talk about how they kept us caged in that place for years, grooming and monitoring us as part of their sick little experiment. Let’s talk about how much each of us has suffered from these little gifts they gave us. Because this is the kind of society we’re stealing from.”

Perry looks like she wants to say something until LaFontaine presses two fingers against her palm. Laura just looks apologetic, and places a hand on Carmilla’s arm, which she doesn’t shake off.

“Hey guys,” all eyes shift to Danny, who appears cheerily with two large bags in her hand. “Anyone want some money?”

 

 

“Where’d you even find this place?” LaFontaine asks in awe, as Danny fiddles with the lock.

“Some guy was chatting in great detail about his beach house while I was scoping out the bank interior. It should be empty for quite a bit until we can find a permanent place.”

“Great, now we’re house robbers too,” Perry groans and leans against LaFontaine in resignation.

“Beats living on the street,” Carmilla drawls. “At least we have a temporary home.”

Laura shudders at the word. Home as they once knew was a cold and terrible place. Silas was all planned schedules, routine checkups and personal limitations. For Laura, it was isolation and restrictive cuffs. She forms a fist with her hand, and marvels at the feeling.

“Got it,” Danny announces triumphantly, as something clicks and the knob turns.

And maybe Carmilla senses her hesitation because she threads their hands together and pulls Laura into the house. Perry’s already started making a note of what needs dusting while LaFontaine and Danny are both loudly admiring the freakishly spacious living room.

She doesn’t fight off the smile spreading across her face.

 

 

The first week is hard. Danny spends the first few days scoping out the area to make sure they weren’t followed. They make do with the rations that LaFontaine cleverly packed before they left Silas. When they’re sure they’re in the clear, Perry clears out a whole grocery aisle.

Laura spends most of her days skirting the perimeter of the house, enjoying the freedom and fresh air she was never privy to. She’s jealous of Danny who can roam freely around the town without being seen, taking dips in the ocean as her heart desires.

 _I know we might feel safe now, but let’s try to minimize our exposure with the outside world_ , LaFontaine tells them. It’s the most logical step of action, and Laura can do nothing but half-heartedly agree.

Carmilla seems to have no problem abiding by the rule, as she spends most of her time inside reading whatever book Danny picked up at the local library (or occasionally lifted from the bookstore). Sometimes she joins Laura out on the patio, scowling whenever the light reaches too close to her face.

They all have nightmares. Perry screams, loud enough to wake the whole house. LaFontaine tosses, wakes up more than once in a cold sweat. Laura whimpers and sometimes when she wakes she finds Carmilla perched on the ledge of the window, staring into the night.

“What are you doing?”

“Can’t sleep."

"Can't or afraid to?"

"Does it matter?" Carmilla retorts, diverting her gaze to Laura for a moment.

She supposes it doesn't. They tell you it's okay to dream, that nightmares aren't real. But nobody tells you what do to when you have real monsters under the bed.

“They won’t find us,” Laura says softly, hugging her arms to her chest.

“Yeah well, it’s your life on the line, not mine.”

The bitter undertones are not lost on her. Laura can’t imagine the frustration in living through all things. All the unseen scars beneath that layer of unblemished skin. They stay like that, in the brittle silence, until they’re interrupted by the slight creak of the door opening.

“Oh shit sorry,” Danny whispers. “Didn’t think you two would be awake.”

“What are you doing out so late?” Laura frowns.

“I raided a pharmacy. Thought these might come in handy.”

She throws her a box of sleeping pills.

 

 

Sometimes Laura feels that all of this is largely her fault. It sort of is, considering that she was the one who initiated the big escape plan. Convincing Danny was easy. Convincing Carmilla was harder. And somewhere along the way Perry had also signed onto the mess, with LaFontaine quickly following suit.

She remembers the first time she disclosed her plan to Danny, and the ensuing shock on her face.

“You’re just the last person I would have thought to try and run from this place.”

“Is it really so surprising? That I’d want to escape the place that has me on constant lockdown?” Laura says dryly, tugging at her cuffs to accentuate her point.

“Yeah but that’s always been true. Nothing’s changed except that Betty’s gone,” Danny remarks.

Betty, her best friend in this place they call home. Sure, they each had their own group of friends, but their relationship was something deeper. In isolation, they shared more than just a room. They shared laughs, and secrets, and fears -- not about Silas, but about themselves.

One could say her disappearance was the catalyst for this miracle of an escape, or disaster, depending on who you ask. But really, it was earlier than that.

It starts when Laura kills a man.

 

 


	2. and we pause at the intersection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after settling into their new but temporary home, decisions have to be made regarding their tentative future. but not everyone's intent on making those decisions.

Her earliest memory is of the lake behind their rickety shack of a house. Her dad gently guides her arm back and forth like swing of a pendulum. Her eyes and mouth are both scrunched up in focus.

“Now remember, don’t use too much force.”

Laura forgets. The pebble sinks the second it hits the watery surface.

“It’s okay,” her dad laughs, giving the now sulking Laura a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Let’s try again now.”

She never does learn how to skip rocks. But her dad does teach her about all the different uses of bear spray and even gives her amateur krav maga lessons that he “saw on the interweb so it must be legit”. He teaches her about how to protect herself because the world is a scarier place than their own backyard.

“You never know when it’ll come in handy.”

Turns out, it doesn’t protect Laura from the dark vans that pull up to their house one day. It doesn’t save Laura from being taken -- despite the kicking, screaming and aggressive clawing at the eyes.

She does learn though, exactly how much she loves her dad when he’s gone.

  
  


“We need a plan.”

It’s still early morning. There’s no telling what the actual time is since all the clocks in the house are broken and no one except the extremely not mechanical savvy Danny is tall enough to reach it.

“What?” Laura turns, mouth still half full of Lucky Charms.

“We need a plan,” LaFontaine repeats, more sternly this time. “We can’t keep living like this.”

“She’s right. That dude at the bank is bound to come visit sometime and I’m not sure how cool he’d be with a bunch of random kids hanging at his house,” Danny remarks.

“I don’t just mean we need to find a new place,” LaFontaine explains. “We need to figure out what we’re gonna do from now on. Like jobs, roles, and stuff. We can’t have Danny stealing shit for us for eternity.”

“True that,” Danny mutters, raising her cereal bowl in agreement.

“Don’t you think it’s maybe a little too soon for this talk,” Perry suggests. “It’s only been a few weeks since we’ve settled in, and we’re still not sure if it’s really safe out there”

“That’s just the thing. Is that how we’re gonna live out the rest of our lives? In fear that at any moment, they can just chase us down and take us back? How is that any different from the life we escaped from?”

The question lingers, burning a hole through their minds. They were used to Silas assigning them their roles and positions. They were reminded everyday of who they were, and what they would turn out to be. It was stifling but it was also easy. It’s hard to figure out their places in life when all they’ve ever know was how to be a victim.

“Uhg, do we have anything nice for breakfast?” Carmilla strides into the room, yawning and stretching widely with her arms. She pauses mid-stretch when the heavy atmosphere dawns on her.

“Jesus, what went and died in all of your cereals.”

  
  


To be fair, it wasn’t all bad in Silas. They never had to worry about food or shelter, not to mention the place had some of the most extravagant facilities available. Laura remembers her first tour of the place, courtesy of one Danny Lawrence, and how she marveled at every passing detail. There were thirty different flavors on the ice cream machine, and the largest flat screen TV she’d ever seen (or rather the only flat screen she’d ever seen). She remembers spending nearly the whole first month living in the library.

“This place is incredible.”

“It’s alright.” Danny shrugs.

“Just alright? I mean, I’ve never seen anything like it,” Laura exclaims.

“I don’t know. Most of us, we’ve never known anything else.”

It takes a while, but Laura slowly learns that almost all of them were born and raised in Silas, having known nothing else. She’s the exception.

Naturally, it takes weeks upon arrival for her to move out of her state of trauma. She cries and cries in the room they temporarily put her in until the tears just naturally stop. The pain in her chest persists, but she finds crying is just too tiring of a process.

“By the way,” Laura frowns. “They didn’t tell me what your, um, superpower or whatever was.”

“Oh, it’s nothing too special.”

Danny twirls, or what Laura assumes was the start of a twirl because halfway through, Danny vanishes into thin air.

“No. Way.”

  
  


They had explained to her on her first day there -- although Laura was too much of an angry ball of fury to really listen -- that Silas was a place for gifted people. Each and every one of them had a special quality, including her.

“Yours will develop with time,” the woman who called herself the Dean had said. “I look forward to it.”

She wasn’t wrong, except that it took years before they figured out her “special quality”. But those years were nice, and filled with pleasant memories of laughing with Danny, meeting Perry and LaFontaine, and occasionally associating with the always surly Carmilla. And in that time, she’d always been slightly jealous of all the talent she saw around her. Whether it was the questionable levitation of sharp kitchen objects, or the summoning of objects from the dog-eared pages of a book, it made her yearn for something equally amazing, so that she’d finally feel like she belonged in this place.

Laura discovers that hers is less of a gift and more of a curse.

  
  


“Okay, this is stupid.”

“Well aren’t you just the queen of constructive criticism,” LaFontaine retorts.

“No, but how are we going to do any of this. You said find jobs right? We have zero life skills LaFontaine. Our entire resume currently consists of breaking out of psychotic institutions and robbing banks,” Carmilla shoots back. They haven’t moved from the breakfast table. Perry has her back turned to them, nervously doing the dishes.

“Don’t forget housejacking,” Danny mumbles, earning a pointed glare from Carmilla.

“It’s a start okay,” LaFontaine explains. “What do you suggest then? That we sit around and mope all day and night about how crappy our life is? We have to move on.”

“She’s right you know,” Laura chimes in, moving her hand over Carmilla’s. “We need to get over this.”

“Not you too.” She slaps away Laura’s hand and gets up to leave.

“What are you afraid of?”

LaFontaine stares at Carmilla, and it takes a moment before they realize what’s happening.

“ _Don’t_.” Carmilla raises a finger threateningly. “Don’t you dare say it.”

“Carmilla, I didn’t mean to--” They sigh exasperatedly as Carmilla stomps off and they all hear the slam of the bedroom door. “I can’t always control it.”

Perry removes one soapy glove and rubs LaFontaine on the back with a sympathetic gaze. Danny stares into her cereal bowl, feeling out of place.

Laura sighs. Sometimes she would kill to know what Carmilla’s thinking.

  
  


Patience was never Laura’s forte. She preferred setting her marshmallows on fire, because who could really wait the full five minutes for it to roast. She never made it to Christmas without sneaking a peek.

“When’d you get your power?” She asks LaFontaine one day. There’s something for everyone here, and for Laura the Silas library gradually becomes Laura’s second home. It’s also where she meets LaFontaine for the first time.

They look up from their copy of 1984. “To be honest, I’m not actually sure how long I’ve had it. But I think I realized it when I was about seven.”

“So you just one day…”

“Well, one day I realized that people weren’t actually saying their thoughts out loud.” LaFontaine pauses and shudders. “Boys are gross, even at a young age.”

“It must be nice.” Laura sighs. “To know, I mean.”

“Hey, it’s not as glamorous as it seems,” They nudge her in the side. “Once people know you can read their thoughts they tend to stay far _far_ away from you. Besides, there’s just some things you don’t want to know about people.”

“I guess that’s true. But like, I just feel so out of place. Like I’m not part of the circle of cool people with superpowers.”

A fish out of water, her dad explains to her once, coincidentally with a trout in one hand, is exactly how she feels from day to day. She’s plucked from her safe haven in the woods and plopped into this foreign institute where everyone’s just the right degree of crazy except for her.

“Oh c’mere.” LaFontaine moves to wrap their arm around Laura’s shoulders. “Trust me, you’ll be a freak like us in no time.”

Laura laughs. In hindsight, she wishes she never knew at all.

  
  


“C’mon Carm.” She raps her knuckles against the door for the fifth time. “You can’t stay inside forever.”

“Try me,” is the sullen reply she gets.

Carmilla isn’t exactly the most negotiable of people. Laura would know, after years of trying to get her to stop treating their room like a dumping ground. In that respect, and in many others, Betty was so the superior roommate.

“Stop acting like a child.” Laura throws Carmilla’s own words at her. “LaFontaine didn’t mean to look. You know she sometimes can’t control it.”

There’s silence, and Laura knows the logic has settled in already and Carmilla’s about 90% ready to give in. The final 10 is just a pure show of pride.

“Carm, I swear I’ll kick down the door if I have to,” Laura announces loudly, brandishing her fists in a semi threatening stance.

There’s a click and Carmilla emerges from behind the door. Her eyes are red.

“Oh,” Laura pauses. “I didn’t think you were--”

“Shut up.”

  
  


It happens one day, strikingly out of the blue, just like LaFontaine had said. Laura doesn’t remember the whole sequence. Some details are more vivid than others. Hand over heart, knees buckling from underneath the body, the arc with which he handed on his side. Shock turned glassy eyed in the face of death.

“They probably sent a clean up crew for your dad. As if Silas would leave such a crucial piece of evidence alive.”

“Stop it,” Laura asks, but actually begs. LaFontaine tries to calm her with a hand on her back, while glaring at their offender.

“Please, just stop with your sniveling little act. He’s probably rotting in a ditch as we speak.” He sneers.

Laura claims to not remember, later in interrogation. But in that moment, she feels the energy collect in her palm. It’s an ineffable sort of feeling, but burning as if she was holding a few suns in her hand. In an entirely instinctual but controlled manner, she raises her arm perpendicular to his chest, and closes her hand in a fist.

He falls. So much quicker than in movies where the antagonist slowly slumps to the ground. No, there’s an initial gasp, and a hand clawing at his chest, before he crumples to the floor. A few spasms and prolonged gurgling and then nothing.

“He’s dead,” she remembers someone saying.

It takes her days before she comes to grips with what she’s done.

Forgiving is another matter entirely.

  
  


They’re sitting on the back porch, where the sun doesn’t really reach thanks to the coverage of a few large palm trees. It gives Carmilla the minimum amount of sanity necessary to survive this sunshiney hell.

“So,” Laura starts, sneaking glances at Carmilla in an attempt to gauge a reaction. “Do you want to, you know, talk about it? I mean I know you had something you didn’t want LaFontaine to know but she really didn’t mean it. And you know she’d never tell anyone. Hell, I’ve tried, trust me. You would not believe how good she is at keeping secr--”

“Do you know what the worst part is about living forever?” Carmilla interrupts, voice heavy and hoarse. “Everyone else falls behind.”

When Laura first learns of Carmilla’s power, she reacts with awe, mixed with a slight bit of envy. Rapid and as far as they know, limitless cell regeneration, has carried Carmilla through centuries, with the same features she had when she first developed her power. To live through so much of history and having the opportunity to see so much of the future, the adventurous part of Laura shivers at the possibilities.

“People you know, you like -- and dislike,” Carmilla adds in distain. “Everyone else’s world slows down as they near the finish line, and suddenly you realize -- you’re running alone. With nothing in sight.”

“If you guys go off into the world, you’ll find new friends, new families, and settle in those new places you make for yourselves. But I’ll always be here, stuck and unable to move forward.” Carmilla draws her knees to her chest, hugging it like a life vest. “I didn’t want LaFontaine to see this sick, selfish, and pathetic version of me, who actually enjoyed life at Silas.”

They chose Carmilla as Betty’s replacement because of her power, and because they were still unsure of the extent and specifics of Laura’s power. But the potential fatality factor made Carmilla the perfect choice. Stick someone who can’t die with someone who accidentally, sometimes, on one occasion, killed someone -- it’s almost a match made in heaven.

But heaven has a lot less scars than Carmilla, who’s had her will to live ripped from underneath her. Instead, she walks through life, dragging this carcass around with her wherever she goes. It’s at only Silas where she finds an end to her journey.

And now they’ve dragged her out again. Dragged her away from the place where she could make do with scowls and snark and substituting Laura’s name with inanimate objects. Laura looks at her, quivering in the summer heat.

“Okay.” Laura stands, and offers a hand to Carmilla, who stares at it puzzledly. “We’ll go slow then. Let’s start with something easy.”

“What do you know about skipping rocks?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hopefully this clarified some things (?))


End file.
